Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
