They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
