i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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