he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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