you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
