don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
