Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
