so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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