It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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