hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize