you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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