I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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