even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
