Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
