so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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