I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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