I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
