and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
