There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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