what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
