Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
vagina is talking i cant
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
