I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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