he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
