What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
