He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
