hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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