great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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