I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
