did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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