I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
