she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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