Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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