I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
