I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
