My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
