I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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