Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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