Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
