we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
