Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize