What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
