Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
