you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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