I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
