Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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