Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
