I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize