Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
