shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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