idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
