I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You took a bar mat shot.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
