Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
