I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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