I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
