I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i need some magic done to my vagina
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
