We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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