You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
