Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
