Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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