The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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