My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
