White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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