Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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