We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
