I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
