i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
