Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
