I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
