I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
