Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
