Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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