were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
