and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Are we in a gay sports bar?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
