i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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