I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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