Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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