yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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