Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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