how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
