i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
