omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
