My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
