he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
