Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
