i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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