Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
