i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize