this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
