Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
