Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
