im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
