also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
