mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
