would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
