So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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