they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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