You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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