Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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