All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
