I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me đ
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You couldnât remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders âunlimited hand frittersâ if they wouldnât cut you off.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
