you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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