wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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