umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
