I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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