I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
