Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
