I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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