You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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