girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
