We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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