my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
