I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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